Is it normal for a 5-year-old to have meltdowns after school?
Yes — and it actually means your child feels safe with you.
Your five-year-old spends the day following rules, managing social situations, controlling impulses, and navigating the overwhelming world of school. This takes enormous effort for a developing brain. They hold it together because they have to.
Then they come home to you — their safe person — and everything they've been suppressing all day comes flooding out. The meltdown isn't a sign that something went wrong at school. It's a sign that your child trusts you enough to finally let go.
What this looks like at 5
- •Tears or tantrums within minutes of pickup or arriving home
- •Extreme reactions to minor frustrations
- •Saying "I hate school" even when they actually like it
- •Physical complaints (tummy ache, tiredness)
- •Refusing to talk about their day
- •Being fine at school but falling apart at home
Why this is actually a milestone
Researchers sometimes call this "after-school restraint collapse." All day, your child is using their limited self-regulation resources to meet the demands of school. By the end of the day, those resources are depleted. Home is where they can finally stop performing and let their guard down. The meltdown is actually a compliment — your child feels safe enough with you to fall apart.
What helps (and what doesn't)
Keep the transition gentle — don't bombard them with questions. Offer a snack (hunger makes everything worse). Build in quiet time before any activities. Lower your expectations for the first hour home. Remember: this is decompression, not misbehavior.
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